Working through grief head-on.

    It's strange how a moment in time, a smell, a sound, a song, or nothing in particular can evoke a feeling.  For me lately, those moments are associated with the grief process.  Before I go any further, I feel like people can grieve for the loss of a lot of things.  Grief doesn't isolate itself just to the death and dying process in the physical sense--we can grieve over the loss of anything.  Whether it's losing a job, ending a relationship, or having a decline in health, we as humans grieve.  It's a natural process, and we must confront our feelings head on in order to heal and move forward in life.  There is a "grief model" that I have referenced several times in the past to help keep my feelings in check.  Even though I know these feelings are normal, it's nice to know that I'm not the only person who is dealing with grief.  Elizabeth Kubler-Ross was a renowned  psychiatrist who first developed the model to which I'm referring.  Here are the stages:




1.shock and denial
2. pain and guilt
3. anger and bargaining
4. depression, reflection, and loneliness

5. the "upward turn"

6. reconstruction and working through

7. acceptance and hope

It's funny how grief works.  One minute, you're doing just fine--or so you think.  And then, all of a sudden, you are hit with a memory that comes out of nowhere.  And it seriously just knocks the wind out of you.  I call that a "grief wave" because that's exactly how I feel when it happens to me.  During those times, I have to stop what I'm doing and remember that it will pass--and thankfully these waves are NOT permanent.  

The reason why I'm blogging about this today is because I have experienced a great deal of loss in the past two years.  I have gone through the deaths of several family members, but I have also gone through the ending of a long-term relationship and a few life changes thrown in the mix.  All of this equals a LOT of grieving.  And I've had friends who have asked me how I deal with it.  And actually, I'm still dealing with it...especially when it comes to grieving over my dad and sister.  Both of their deaths hit me hard, obviously....one was unexpected and one was not.  Nonetheless, it still sucked....and it hurt....and I hated dealing with it.  But I honestly think that knowing that I was having "normal" feelings helped me to get through the really bad days--and the really crappy grief waves.  Thank God that I have a supportive group of family and friends who never turned their backs on me when everything happened.  And thank God that I have a strong faith.  Like singer Matthew West says, "hands of mercy, won't you comfort me....all I'm asking is for you to be strong enough--strong enough, for the both of us".  

In closing, I hope that maybe someone will read this who is hurting or having a hard time understanding the grief process.  Maybe someone is unaware that Elizabeth Kubler-Ross even brought this subject into focus years ago and counselors still use this valuable information with their clients today.  Regardless, everyone should realize that it's okay to grieve, it's okay to have these feelings....and ultimately, it's okay to feel happy and begin to LIVE again.  It's been four months since my Daddy passed away.  It seems like yesterday.  It feels like years.  But I'm working through all of it, and I'm okay.  It's my hope that others will benefit from this posting and realize that they'll be okay too!

“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths.  These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity and an understanding of life that fills them with compassions, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.”  Elisabeth Kubler-Ross