Thirty Things...Blog #2

This is today's topic.

Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears. 

Okay, so this is a tough topic for me to talk about.  It's not easy to share your fears with everyone.  Sometimes, it's not even easy for me to think about them!  Maybe writing about them will be therapeutic.  We'll see!

1.  I guess my greatest fear is what will happen to my son when I'm no longer able to physically care for him.  I know that for as long as I'm able to, I will care for Joshua at home.  Unless something changes in the future, Josh will more than likely be my "lifer kid".  That's what I refer to him as.  I guess there could come a day when he's an adult that he would want to live in some kind of group house or other facility, but honestly--the thought of that scares me too.  Even though Josh has come a LONG way in his autism journey, he's still very much a little boy on the inside.  He's growing up physically, and he's the sweetest kid you'll ever meet.  But he remains very much child-like.  So with that said, I feel like he will continue to be dependent on me for a long time.  And that is fine.  I accepted it a long time ago.  But I fear what will happen to him when I'm not around anymore.  Children do typically outlive their parents.  However, I have faith and peace that everything will turn out okay and that Josh will always have the best life available.  I would be lying to myself and everyone else, though, if I said his future without me didn't scare me.  So that is definitely my greatest fear.

2.  Another fear that I have is getting old and being alone.  Yes, I realize that with friends and family I'll never be truly "alone", but I would like to get the chance to show someone in the future that I'm capable of having a loving and healthy relationship with them.  I don't think it's ever too late to find someone in your life to love.  The timing might be wrong, circumstances may be less than favorable, but I think it's possible.  Do you ever see an older or elderly adult sitting at a restaurant alone?  It makes me so sad.  I wonder what happened in their life that made them have to sit by themselves.  Did something happen to their spouse?  Or did they choose to live this way?  I think we as humans are made for companionship.  I'm not a loner.  Don't get me wrong, I like my "alone time" just as much as anyone else.  But I think I feel my best when I'm with someone....helping them, nurturing them, feeling wanted and needed.  So to think that I would have to spend my final days without that component in my life scares me.

3.  Okay, this should be obvious to a lot of you.  I'm scared of heights.  Oh, and camel crickets.  But I'll stick to why I'm scared of heights.  Actually, I don't know why I have a fear of heights.  I've just been that way for a long time.  But get this, I've bungee jumped before.  It scared the beejeezies out of me, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't get a huge adrenaline rush from it.  Never again, though.  It was a once in a lifetime thing and I can't see myself ever doing it in the future.  I survived it one time.  That's enough!  Funny as I am, though, I absolutely LOVE roller coasters.  The higher and more intense, the better.  My friend Chris and I went to Carowinds a couple years ago and rode The Intimidator....and wow.  I think I about died the first time....the panic was crazy, but then it was the most fun thing ever.  Crazy, huh?  Scared of heights but I love roller coasters.  Sometimes I feel like a walking contradiction!

So tell me....now that I've shared my fears, what about you?  Do you have any of the same fears as I do?  Or are mine completely different from yours?